If you’ve been
trying for more than a year, you might want to consider your options. The first
step may be to visit a world-class fertility specialist. This is because, quite often, many such problems are
quite easy to treat. So, you could end up sparing yourself a lot of further
disappointment by identifying any problem quickly.
A good first
step is to recognize that infertility is a crisis and probably one of the most
difficult things you’ll ever face. It can call into question the most basic
expectations you have for yourself, your body, and your relationship.
It’s normal to
feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. You
mustn’t give yourself a hard time for feeling these things and allowing
yourself to feel these powerful emotions can help move beyond them.
People who are
successful in their careers can have a particularly difficult time dealing with
the loss of control that comes with not being able to conceive. If you’ve
planned everything else in your life successfully and suddenly you aren’t able
to have a child, it can be very hard.
When faced with
infertility, it’s quite normal to blame yourself. But you do not need to blame
yourself. You may have doubts. Self-doubt is common, but most fertility specialists
know that when people get caught in negative patterns of worrying, it only
makes things worse.
Instead of
berating yourself, look forward to how you and your partner are going to manage
the situation. When you start feeling like you “should have” or “could have”
done things differently, remind yourself that infertility is not your fault.
Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they’re behind you
now.
Look forward, get
educated, read and ask questions. Ask questions and even more questions. This
is solid advice when you are facing any problem, but it’s especially important
when dealing with infertility because the technology is complicated and changes
so quickly.
You need to
understand what’s happening medically so that you can make informed choices. By
implication, you need to work as a team with your partner. Don’t give in to the
temptation to blame each other. Instead, help each other. This doesn’t mean you
need to feel the same thing at the same time, but it does mean paying attention
to what your partner is going through. If you’re taking care of each other
emotionally, you can unite to fight the problem.
Many women are
only able to bear all the treatments they go through because their husbands
stand by them all the way. The same thing works out conversely. Practical
issues can also help you work with, not against, each other.
Work together
and find ways to share the burden. If certain gatherings or celebrations are
too painful for you, give yourself permission to avoid them when you’re having
a particularly tough time. If there is an occasion you just can’t avoid, arrive
late or leave early. In view of the fact that society often fails to recognize the
grief caused by infertility, those affected tend to hide how they feel, which
only leads to feelings of shame and isolation.
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