Joe Biden, American President
Most
of us — even those at the top — struggle with public-speaking anxiety. When I
ask my clients what makes them nervous, invariably they respond with the same
answers:
“I
don’t like being watched.”
“I
don’t like the eyes on me.”
“I
don’t like being in the spotlight.”
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And it
follows that when they get up to speak, nearly all of them initially avoid
making eye contact with members of the audience. Therein lies the problem:
While avoiding direct eye contact may seem like an effective strategy for
coping with speaking anxiety, it actually makes you even more nervous.
To
understand why, we need to go way back to prehistoric times, when humans
perceived eyes watching us as an existential threat. Those eyes were likely
predators. People were literally terrified of being eaten alive. In response to
that prehistoric reality, the amygdala, the part of our brain that helps us
respond to danger, kicked into full gear. And when our fight-or-flight response
gets triggered, we understandably feel intense stress and anxiety. What does
this have to do with public speaking? Turns out, everything.
Here’s
the bad news: Our brains have transferred that ancient fear of being watched
onto public speaking. In other words, public-speaking anxiety is in our DNA. We
experience public speaking as an attack. We physiologically register an
audience as a threatening predator and mount a comparable response. Many
people’s physical responses while speaking resemble how their body would react
to physical signs of danger (shortness of breath, redness of face, shaking).
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So
today when we speak in front of a group and feel the eyes watching us, we feel
painfully visible, like a caveman exposed in daylight. And because our brain is
telling us that we are under attack, we do whatever is necessary to protect
ourselves. We construct walls between ourselves and the source of danger — in
this case, the audience — to repel the attack and blunt any danger.
What
do these walls look like? We focus on our slides. We look down. We retreat into
our notes. In the process, we disregard the people in front of us, wishing them
into invisibility. Even the most confident speakers find ways to distance
themselves from their audience. It’s just how we’re programmed.
Fortunately,
there is a solution: human generosity. The key to calming the amygdala and
disarming our organic panic button is to turn the focus away from ourselves —
away from whether we will mess up or whether the audience will like us — and
toward helping the audience.
Studies
have shown that an increase in generosity leads to a decrease in amygdala
activity. Showing kindness and generosity to others has been shown to activate
the vagus nerve, which has the power to calm the fight-or-flight response. When
we are kind to others, we feel calmer and less stressed. The same principle
applies in public speaking. When we approach speaking with a spirit of
generosity, we counteract the sensation of being under attack and start to feel
less nervous.
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Admittedly,
this is hard to do. As a speech coach, I often find that my clients who are the
most generous in work and life have the hardest time speaking in public,
because their brain is telling them, “Now is not the time to give. It’s time to
run!” But it’s absolutely possible to become a generous speaker. Start with
these three steps:
1.
When you’re preparing, think about your audience.
When
we start preparing for a presentation, the mistake we all make is starting with
the topic. This immediately gets us inside the details — and makes it harder to
break down the wall between us and others. Instead, start with the audience.
Before diving into the information, ask yourself: Who will be in the room? Why
are they there? What do they need? Be specific in your answers. Identify the
audience’s needs, both spoken and unspoken, and craft a message that speaks
directly to those needs.
2.
Right before you speak, refocus your brain.
You
are the most nervous right before you speak. This is the moment where your
brain is telling you, “Everyone is judging me. What if I fail?” And it is
exactly at this moment that you can refocus your brain. Remind yourself that
you are here to help your audience. Be firm with your brain. Tell yourself,
“Brain, this presentation is not about me. It is about helping my audience.”
Over time (usually between four and six presentations), your brain will begin
to get it, and you will become less nervous.
3.
While you’re speaking, make eye contact.
One of
the biggest mistakes we make is speaking to people as a group. We scan the room
— trying to look everyone at once — and end up connecting with nobody.
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In
reality, each person in the room is listening to you as an individual. And so
the best way to connect to your audience is by speaking to them as individuals.
How? By making sustained eye contact with one person per thought. (Each thought
is about one full clause.) By focusing at one person at a time, you make each
person in the room feel like you are talking just to them.
This
is hard. We are accustomed to scanning the room. Making direct eye contact can
feel uncomfortable at first. Yet, as you practice it more, it will actually
make you less nervous. It is far easier (and more effective) to have a series
of one-on-one conversations than it is to speak to everyone at once. When my
clients use this technique more than three consecutive times, they almost
always report a decrease in speaking anxiety. (Note that the most important
people to look at are those who are at the far edges of the room. These are the
people who are already at a disadvantage. By being extra generous to those at
the edges of the room, you bring everyone in.)
We
know the power of generosity to give us a sense of fulfillment, purpose, and
meaning. Generosity is just as powerful in speaking. It turns a nerve-wracking
and even painful experience into one of giving and helping others. A generous
speaker is calmer, more relaxed, and — most important — more effective at
reaching the audience and making the desired impact. (Harvard Business Review)
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